Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
More dreams
So in my dream last night, I was going to fly to Heathrow on British Airways, but I lost the carry-on with my shoes inside. And I couldn't admit to anyone that I may have allowed someone to "tamper with my packages," so I just wandered the airport in my bare feet, increasingly convinced that I was going to miss my flight. It was quite a depressing feeling of loss, and even after I woke up, I still kept thinking that I needed to go back into the dream so I could find my shoes! All this is very ironic, of course, because in real life I hate to wear shoes. But somehow I think they're important on a vacation in England!
Monday, July 28, 2008
Hello, young lovers
You guys are going to be real surprised when you see the timestamp on this one! I've just woken up from a dream and have to impart all my new found wisdom to you before I go back to sleep. But this post is really more for me than it is for you.
I know that when it comes to romance, I'm the girl who cried wolf. My last few years have given my spectators whiplash as I frantically bounced from possibility to possibility. And I always insist that each person is different and really special and I've never felt this way before. But the truth is, whether you believe it or not, I do have a love of my life, and I haven't seen him for 15 years. I've named a lot of names in this blog, but I still don't feel I can mention his. There's still too much power there even after all this time; the dream I had just told me that.
Ever since I lost him when his family moved away right before senior year, I've had two kinds of dreams about him. In the first kind, I am reunited with him, and I remember that it's all because of one letter that one of us wrote. One letter that confessed everything, and after that there could be no doubt that we were meant to be together for eternity. And now we are together and everything is perfect. That kind of dream always makes me so sad, because the truth is that even though we supposedly had a love to span the ages (and the fact that it hasn't faded after 15 years tells me more and more that that was really true), neither of us lifted one finger to put ourselves back together after we were separated. Although our senior year separation was inevitable, we could have made plans to go to the same college, or even just kept in contact with each other enough so that a future reunion remained possible. But instead we let each other slip away for no good reason, except that we were too young to know a really good thing when we saw it. I know that on my end, everyone was sure that I was too young for it to really be a real thing, and they told me that I would soon forget him. I hoped that they were wrong but was afraid that they were right, and so I acted accordingly, trying (and continually failing) to put him out of my mind and move on with my life.
The other kind of dream always made me very happy. I haven't had one for about 5 years now, and it's looking increasingly unlikely that I ever will again. In this kind of dream, he and I find ourselves alone together in a deserted space. At first it was usually a college dining hall; later it became a corporate boardroom. In any case, amidst the empty tables and chairs, we simply sit and talk for hours, telling each other all the details of our lives since we last met. When I wake up, I can remember none of the details at all, but it gives me a good feeling that lasts all day. What happened 5 years ago is that I suddenly had the thought, which had never occurred to me before, that the dreams were really real, and that he and I needed each other so much that we were granted this ability to periodically commune together as long as we remembered no details in the morning. Of course, once I came to that realization the spell was broken and the dreams stopped.
The dream I had last night was a variation on the first one. I dreamt that I got a Christmas card from his mother that was a sort of booklet with reminiscences of their family's life. It was amazing to see that several of the old family pictures included me. She also gave me his address and several pictures of his family today. So I guess even in the alternate dream world, too much water has gone under the bridge to pretend that we could get back together, but at least I can pretend that we still matter to each other and everyone knows it.
So why all this now? I think the message is clear: letting a good thing slip away can change your life forever, and not for the better. I've already learned that once, and this time I shouldn't let my momentary pride and stubbornness get in the way of my long-term happiness.
I know that when it comes to romance, I'm the girl who cried wolf. My last few years have given my spectators whiplash as I frantically bounced from possibility to possibility. And I always insist that each person is different and really special and I've never felt this way before. But the truth is, whether you believe it or not, I do have a love of my life, and I haven't seen him for 15 years. I've named a lot of names in this blog, but I still don't feel I can mention his. There's still too much power there even after all this time; the dream I had just told me that.
Ever since I lost him when his family moved away right before senior year, I've had two kinds of dreams about him. In the first kind, I am reunited with him, and I remember that it's all because of one letter that one of us wrote. One letter that confessed everything, and after that there could be no doubt that we were meant to be together for eternity. And now we are together and everything is perfect. That kind of dream always makes me so sad, because the truth is that even though we supposedly had a love to span the ages (and the fact that it hasn't faded after 15 years tells me more and more that that was really true), neither of us lifted one finger to put ourselves back together after we were separated. Although our senior year separation was inevitable, we could have made plans to go to the same college, or even just kept in contact with each other enough so that a future reunion remained possible. But instead we let each other slip away for no good reason, except that we were too young to know a really good thing when we saw it. I know that on my end, everyone was sure that I was too young for it to really be a real thing, and they told me that I would soon forget him. I hoped that they were wrong but was afraid that they were right, and so I acted accordingly, trying (and continually failing) to put him out of my mind and move on with my life.
The other kind of dream always made me very happy. I haven't had one for about 5 years now, and it's looking increasingly unlikely that I ever will again. In this kind of dream, he and I find ourselves alone together in a deserted space. At first it was usually a college dining hall; later it became a corporate boardroom. In any case, amidst the empty tables and chairs, we simply sit and talk for hours, telling each other all the details of our lives since we last met. When I wake up, I can remember none of the details at all, but it gives me a good feeling that lasts all day. What happened 5 years ago is that I suddenly had the thought, which had never occurred to me before, that the dreams were really real, and that he and I needed each other so much that we were granted this ability to periodically commune together as long as we remembered no details in the morning. Of course, once I came to that realization the spell was broken and the dreams stopped.
The dream I had last night was a variation on the first one. I dreamt that I got a Christmas card from his mother that was a sort of booklet with reminiscences of their family's life. It was amazing to see that several of the old family pictures included me. She also gave me his address and several pictures of his family today. So I guess even in the alternate dream world, too much water has gone under the bridge to pretend that we could get back together, but at least I can pretend that we still matter to each other and everyone knows it.
So why all this now? I think the message is clear: letting a good thing slip away can change your life forever, and not for the better. I've already learned that once, and this time I shouldn't let my momentary pride and stubbornness get in the way of my long-term happiness.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
The great escape
So last night I was listening to Elton John, and the song "Philadelphia Freedom" came up, which has never been on the top list of his songs for me, but as I was listening I was pondering the meaning of the song and why he wrote it. So it may come as no surprise to anyone that last night I had a dream about escaping to Omaha. For those of you not in the know, Omaha is the place within an afternoon's driving distance where people from Ames dream of escaping to. Some of you readers might also know of a more personal meaning that city holds for me. Draw your own conclusions.
At any rate, I think the locally equivalent place here is Pittsburgh. I do dream of going there, especially to visit the Mr. Rogers exhibit, which I still haven't seen after 10 years of good intentions, but right now it would be enough for me to escape to Parkersburg, 38 miles away. Draw your own conclusions about that, too.
At any rate, I think the locally equivalent place here is Pittsburgh. I do dream of going there, especially to visit the Mr. Rogers exhibit, which I still haven't seen after 10 years of good intentions, but right now it would be enough for me to escape to Parkersburg, 38 miles away. Draw your own conclusions about that, too.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Silly SciFi Channel
So I was very excited to watch the first part of the Doctor Who season finale last night. It ended on a real cliffhanger, looking like the Doctor is going to regenerate again. I know that in England, people were on pins and needles for the whole next week wondering if it was really true. I already know the answer because I couldn't help overhearing it on an Englishman's blog that I know. (Oh, all right, I peeked because I couldn't stand the suspense anymore). However, now everybody in America knows the answer, because the SciFi Channel ham-handedly gave it all away in their preview of next week's episode. Don't the people who make the previews pay the slightest bit of attention to the show at all? Watching the last five minutes of this week's episode would have told them that showing the Doctor in next week's preview was a Very Bad Idea. I'm curious to know what other people think about this.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Quotable quotes
Unintentionally funny quote of the day: One of our co-workers as she came into our office (the typical cubicle farm) from the library floor: "I don't see how those people out there can stand to sit in those same chairs at the same computers all day."
I guess I found my niche
So it's official. All I had to do yesterday was mention AE, and traffic shot through the roof, twice as much as for David Cassidy. That does it. I'm shutting down all the intellectual pretensions of this blog and becoming a celebrity gossipfest like TMZ!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
