No breaking of hearts allowed

I really love this song.

More dreams

So in my dream last night, I was going to fly to Heathrow on British Airways, but I lost the carry-on with my shoes inside. And I couldn't admit to anyone that I may have allowed someone to "tamper with my packages," so I just wandered the airport in my bare feet, increasingly convinced that I was going to miss my flight. It was quite a depressing feeling of loss, and even after I woke up, I still kept thinking that I needed to go back into the dream so I could find my shoes! All this is very ironic, of course, because in real life I hate to wear shoes. But somehow I think they're important on a vacation in England!

Hello, young lovers

You guys are going to be real surprised when you see the timestamp on this one! I've just woken up from a dream and have to impart all my new found wisdom to you before I go back to sleep. But this post is really more for me than it is for you.

I know that when it comes to romance, I'm the girl who cried wolf. My last few years have given my spectators whiplash as I frantically bounced from possibility to possibility. And I always insist that each person is different and really special and I've never felt this way before. But the truth is, whether you believe it or not, I do have a love of my life, and I haven't seen him for 15 years. I've named a lot of names in this blog, but I still don't feel I can mention his. There's still too much power there even after all this time; the dream I had just told me that.

Ever since I lost him when his family moved away right before senior year, I've had two kinds of dreams about him. In the first kind, I am reunited with him, and I remember that it's all because of one letter that one of us wrote. One letter that confessed everything, and after that there could be no doubt that we were meant to be together for eternity. And now we are together and everything is perfect. That kind of dream always makes me so sad, because the truth is that even though we supposedly had a love to span the ages (and the fact that it hasn't faded after 15 years tells me more and more that that was really true), neither of us lifted one finger to put ourselves back together after we were separated. Although our senior year separation was inevitable, we could have made plans to go to the same college, or even just kept in contact with each other enough so that a future reunion remained possible. But instead we let each other slip away for no good reason, except that we were too young to know a really good thing when we saw it. I know that on my end, everyone was sure that I was too young for it to really be a real thing, and they told me that I would soon forget him. I hoped that they were wrong but was afraid that they were right, and so I acted accordingly, trying (and continually failing) to put him out of my mind and move on with my life.

The other kind of dream always made me very happy. I haven't had one for about 5 years now, and it's looking increasingly unlikely that I ever will again. In this kind of dream, he and I find ourselves alone together in a deserted space. At first it was usually a college dining hall; later it became a corporate boardroom. In any case, amidst the empty tables and chairs, we simply sit and talk for hours, telling each other all the details of our lives since we last met. When I wake up, I can remember none of the details at all, but it gives me a good feeling that lasts all day. What happened 5 years ago is that I suddenly had the thought, which had never occurred to me before, that the dreams were really real, and that he and I needed each other so much that we were granted this ability to periodically commune together as long as we remembered no details in the morning. Of course, once I came to that realization the spell was broken and the dreams stopped.

The dream I had last night was a variation on the first one. I dreamt that I got a Christmas card from his mother that was a sort of booklet with reminiscences of their family's life. It was amazing to see that several of the old family pictures included me. She also gave me his address and several pictures of his family today. So I guess even in the alternate dream world, too much water has gone under the bridge to pretend that we could get back together, but at least I can pretend that we still matter to each other and everyone knows it.

So why all this now? I think the message is clear: letting a good thing slip away can change your life forever, and not for the better. I've already learned that once, and this time I shouldn't let my momentary pride and stubbornness get in the way of my long-term happiness.

The great escape

So last night I was listening to Elton John, and the song "Philadelphia Freedom" came up, which has never been on the top list of his songs for me, but as I was listening I was pondering the meaning of the song and why he wrote it. So it may come as no surprise to anyone that last night I had a dream about escaping to Omaha. For those of you not in the know, Omaha is the place within an afternoon's driving distance where people from Ames dream of escaping to. Some of you readers might also know of a more personal meaning that city holds for me. Draw your own conclusions.

At any rate, I think the locally equivalent place here is Pittsburgh. I do dream of going there, especially to visit the Mr. Rogers exhibit, which I still haven't seen after 10 years of good intentions, but right now it would be enough for me to escape to Parkersburg, 38 miles away. Draw your own conclusions about that, too.

Silly SciFi Channel

So I was very excited to watch the first part of the Doctor Who season finale last night. It ended on a real cliffhanger, looking like the Doctor is going to regenerate again. I know that in England, people were on pins and needles for the whole next week wondering if it was really true. I already know the answer because I couldn't help overhearing it on an Englishman's blog that I know. (Oh, all right, I peeked because I couldn't stand the suspense anymore). However, now everybody in America knows the answer, because the SciFi Channel ham-handedly gave it all away in their preview of next week's episode. Don't the people who make the previews pay the slightest bit of attention to the show at all? Watching the last five minutes of this week's episode would have told them that showing the Doctor in next week's preview was a Very Bad Idea. I'm curious to know what other people think about this.

Quotable quotes

Unintentionally funny quote of the day: One of our co-workers as she came into our office (the typical cubicle farm) from the library floor: "I don't see how those people out there can stand to sit in those same chairs at the same computers all day."

I guess I found my niche

So it's official. All I had to do yesterday was mention AE, and traffic shot through the roof, twice as much as for David Cassidy. That does it. I'm shutting down all the intellectual pretensions of this blog and becoming a celebrity gossipfest like TMZ!

Snowie tells all

So if it isn't David Cassidy, there's one other person that people come here in search of: Aethelred Eldridge. After my initial post, I've purposefully not mentioned him again, since I didn't want him to think I was exploiting our relationship in any way. But since I haven't seen him in almost two months, I guess there's nothing left to exploit!

If you're looking for weird stories of bizarre behavior, you've come to the wrong place. Aethelred has never been anything but a kindly gentleman to me. (People say it's because he's trying to impress me as a young, pretty girl, and I'll admit that's probably true.) It is true, though, that he does get overstimulated very easily, so I've had to learn not to introduce too many ideas to him at one time. But bearing that in mind, I've found him quite easy to work with. (Of course, I'm comparing him to my own wild-tempered daddy, so he has an advantage with me!)

At any rate, I'm very glad I've met him, and even if I never see him again, I'll be glad that we've learned from each other what we did. (I taught him about OhioLINK books, and he taught me to try to open up a little bit more and not worry so much about what people think of me. I think I got the better part of the bargain!)

I'm on a show tune kick!

It takes almost two minutes to get to the song on this one, but it's worth it.

The Prisoner has beaten me

I've been trying to watch The Prisoner on DVD this summer. It's a short series with only 17 episodes, and so it seemed like a very attainable goal. Everyone is always saying what a groundbreaking series it was, and I really liked the Simpsons version of it. The only problem is that it failed to hold my attention. I got halfway through it and realized that all the episodes were starting to feel the same. So I gave up on it and am not sure if I'll ever finish it. Its replacement? Bullwinkle J. Moose. How's that for a 180?

The reluctant hero

My traffic here has really gone through the roof since I posted those David Cassidy videos, and I'm glad. I hope that you all enjoy them, and I hope that you take a look around here at our other selections and see if anything else interests you. But the librarian in me just can't rest until I point something out, even though it might be against my best interests fame-wise. Those videos come straight from YouTube, where they've already been for a long time. I certainly haven't added any value with my analysis, because I haven't given any, so I guess I'm not exactly sure why you would come here instead of just going there. But bienvenidos for as long as you care to stay!

The luck of the Snowie

So last year at this time, I was happily engrossed in Smallville repeats airing on a local station on the weekends. Then they abruptly took them off, and I haven't watched any Smallville since. So this summer, I've been watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer on FX, and guess what? They've apparently taken her off the air too, and now people get two hours of The Practice every weekend morning instead of just one. Well, at least I know that Hulu will be be posting the 3rd season of Buffy soon, and I'm standing in line to watch it when they do!

Y. Readmore

I think that this column expresses very well the feelings I've been having about reading and why I' m not doing enough of it. In my case, it's all Netflix's fault. I pay them around $10 a month; meanwhile the library is free. Therefore, it seems like a good business strategy to maximize the amount of value I get from the paid resource at the expense of the free resource. Makes sense in one way, but not in another.

More David Cassidy

Ok, people really seem to have liked that David Cassidy video I posted recently, so I'm going to bump him off the page with another one.

Bad reputation

So a while ago I noticed that my blog is getting filtered out by filtering software, and now I see from my stats that I've had a little visit from the U.S. Department of Justice. Who knew what a dangerout person I could be? ;)

Every time I see you falling

I just love the chorus of this song. I think it expresses so evocatively that everyone wants someone to fall in love with them, but no one wants to be the first to say the words.

Sophisticated lady

Those people who know me well know that for some reason being "sophisticated" is very important to me. Certainly I don't want to be sophisticated all the time; I'm a jeans and T-shirt girl at heart. But it's important to me that once in a while I get to dress up all fancy and go to some grand occasion, preferably with place cards and wine glasses. (Never mind that I don't actually drink wine. It's all about the glasses!) That might be why I'm soon planning a 60's dinner party. (More on that later.) That might be why I have a closet full of dresses that aren't actually suitable for wear to either work or church. And that might also be why I spent a wonderful three days at Mohonk Mountain House last summer pretending to be rich. (Gee, I hope I get to back again soon, and this time take someone else with me.)

I don't think there's anything wrong with pretending to be sophisticated that way, as long as it doesn't make you abandon your principles or go into debt. But there's another way I've been attempting to be sophisticated that isn't working out so well, and I'm realizing I might have to give it up. I've been trying to be sophisticated in my love life, which for me translates to being the kind of person who can have someone beloved breeze into town, show him a good time while he's here, and then have him ride out into the sunset with nary a passing thought.

I don't know where I got the idea that that kind of behavior is sophisticated. I think it's probably from TV, which always delights in giving our hero or heroine a love interest for an episode or two and then ripping them away again. How many different girls did Captain Kirk meet along the way, and he never shed a tear from them after they were gone? And then of course there are the shows that grant the main character a recurring love interest who shows up once or twice a season, but otherwise doesn't factor into things at all.

The reason I'm pondering all this is because I've hit upon this situation in my real life. Someone very dear to me has just blown into town and is scheduled to blow out again at the end of the summer. I've been trying really, really hard to be sophisticated about this, and it's slowly driving me insane. I can't just turn it on and off like that, and maybe it's time I stopped trying.

Of course, that begs the question: if I'm not going to be sophisticated, what am I going to be? That's something that I haven't figured out yet, but I certainly hope the answer doesn't become "melodramatic." I've heard I can be pretty good at that one too, but it takes a lot out of you!

Even the nights are better

So do I just have an overly slash-y brain, or does anyone else think the way this video is edited creates some unintentional homoerotic overtones?

Another great Stephenson quote

I know this is getting increasingly ridiculous, but I'm still working on Cryptonomicon. I'm now on page 590 of 910, so I'm at least over the hump, and things are starting to come together. But once again I've found a quote on a random subject that I just have to share with you. To put it into some kind of context, Randy has been forced to go back to his old neighborhood because of an earthquake, and because of past problems he's getting the cold shoulder from all of his neighbors except one Christian couple.

"Randy hadn't the faintest idea what these people thought of him and what he had done, but he could sense right away that, essentially that was not the issue because even if they thought he had done something evil, they at least had a framework, a sort of procedural manual, for dealing with transgressions. To translate it into UNIX system administration terms (Randy's fundamental metaphor for just about everything), the post-modern, politically correct atheists were like people who had suddenly found themselves in charge of a big and unfathomably complex computer system (viz. society) with no documentation or instructions of any kind, and so whose only way to keep the thing running was to invent and enforce certain rules with a kind of neo-Puritanical rigor, because they were at a loss to deal with any deviations from what they saw as the norm. Whereas people who were wired into a church were the UNIX system administrators who, while they might not understand everything, at least had some documentation, some FAQs and How-tos and README files, providing some guidance on what to do when things got out of whack. They were, in other words, capable of displaying adaptability. (585-86)

I don't know what Neal Stephenson's personal beliefs are, and in a way it doesn't matter, because he's one of those authors who's able to perfectly rationally describe the viewpoints of multiple characters with contradictory ideas without necessarily choosing sides or stacking the deck. What I do know is that he's put into words here one of the feelings I've had for a while about the role of Christianity in our post-modern society: if nothing else, it at least gives you a place to start when thinking about issues.

Fighting and sometimes striving

I'm sorry to inflict this on you, but I've had this song in my head ever since Sunday school this morning, when we spent a long time on the word "striving":

Indecision'll kill ya

Here's a little David Cassidy to brighten your Saturday night:

Incense and peppermints

I hope you don't take this the wrong way ("I swear I'm clean, officer!") but I've been in an altered state of consciousness the past few days, and I really don't know why. I've had a hard time sleeping, but when I do my perception of time has been greatly altered from normal. For instance, I can go to sleep, dream a long and complicated dream, wake up, and find that it's exactly 3 minutes later. This has made my nights seem approximately 18 years long. I'm not sure if it's cause or effect, then, that during the days I feel tired, dreamy, and not really here. I just wish I knew how to make it stop.

All you've got to do is smile that smile....

When I was about 5, I thought this was the most romantic song in the universe. And guess what? I still do.

WB.com news

I just got an email from The WB Online that tells what additional shows they'll be adding:

-Everwood
-Veronica Mars
-Roswell
-Angel
-In Living Color (clips)
-MadTV
-Firefly
-The Loop

They also say that they are launching on August 27th.

My geographical conundrum

Arkansas and I have a problem: namely, that I don't know where it is. I'm actually quite good with geography, and in 4th grade when we had to label all the states on the map, I obviously knew where it really is, but at some point it moved in my mind. Now it's located somewhere in the void between South Carolina and Georgia. (What? There's no void there, you say? Just a bit of evidence that you're living in a parallel universe. Or maybe I am. It's hard to keep straight.)
For many years I was quite happy with my vision of Arkansas on the warm southern waters of the Atlantic. I'll admit I was always kind of confused when newspeople would talk about the Clintons and how far they had travelled from Little Rock to the White House. "Yeah, customs probably are quite different," I thought to myself, "but I wish they'd quit saying how far away it is. It's probably only a few hundred miles."
The spell was broken several years ago when I had the prospect of a job interview in Little Rock, and I decided to drag out the atlas and see where exactly I might be going. Under Missouri? Really? I still don't believe it. It's got to be the parallel universe thing instead.

Home again, home again, jiggity-jig

I'm back from the out-of-town part of my vacation, and I'm very glad that I have four days to relax at home now before I have to go back to work!