A listing of my flaws

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore! It seems that all around me are people who are trying to correct all my faults for my own good. What are these horrible faults that I possess?

• Well, for one thing, I don't have nearly enough possessions. My lifestyle is a horrible affront to the American way of life, and I need to go out and start buying lava lamps and food processors at the earliest convenience. This is only for my own good, you realize, because she who dies with the most stuff wins.
• Also, at times I prefer my own company rather than spending my time with a lot of people. This is a serious flaw! Being alone is dangerous, because it might lead to serious reflection, and we can't have that. It would be better to spend my time surrounded by a posse of people who continually chat about all their stuff. (See above.)
• Speaking of serious reflection, I have also been accused of not filling my time properly. Taking time to think before doing something is passe. Much better to just start working quickly and mindlessly so that everyone can see you doing it and be amazed. If it doesn't turn out, you can always fix your mistakes later, just as fast.
• Most seriously, rather than making a lot of plans for the future, I trust in the Lord to provide for me. But why should I trust in somebody I've never even seen? Much better to just start making plans and take the bull by the horns!

Here are my answers to these arguments, taken from the Sermon on the Mount:

• "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust consume and where thieves break in and steal; but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust consumes and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
• "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth."
• "Beware of practicing your piety before others in order to be seen by them; for then you have no reward from your Father in heaven.
• "Strive first for the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

So I guess I should thank all these critics! They have made me much more sure that what I'm doing is just fine and pleasing to the Lord.